On Leaving the 20s

Earlier this month I turned 29.  I wasn't all that pumped up about it, nor was I bummed out very much about it.  I just kind of went through the day like normal.  I was fairly certain that a lot of the people I'm around the most would have forgotten about it or didn't pay attention enough to notice.  For the most part I was right about that.  Thank goodness for Facebook reminders, right?!  I mean, my family remembered but that's different.  The cast remembered my birthday after our preview night was done and then everyone sang.  I felt like crying.  I'm not sure why I did but I did.  I think it was out of the thought of it after going a whole day without anyone knowing and being alone.  Ryan was out of town.  It could have been out of embarrassment, though, too.  Who knows!
I got home that evening and was purely and utterly exhausted.  I melted into the couch and an awkward Ryan emerged out of our kitchen with at Cold Stone ice cream cake with "Happy Birthday" written on it.  Then, I cried.

The next day, I sat in reflection of what what 29 actually means.  I'm leaving my twenty-somethings and moving to a whole new set of numbers. Those that know would know that that's really confusing to me because I apparently have trouble remembered my age anyways.  I think a lot of people, most particularity women, look at the 30-something range as something looming in the distance.  Its understandable, I suppose.  Your clocks are "ticking" and usually its the thought of being ever so closer to the top of that ominous hill we all have to dress in black for as we cross over.

My 20s were filled with so many dips in my life.  My 20s were filled with the end of my college years which were fantastic in the world of education.  Not so much in the sense of my relationships, both romantic and not.  I loved my major and my minor.  I really did love class.  I hated tests and stuff but I loved learning what I went there to learn.  I learned a lot in my classes that weren't necessary in the curriculum, as well.   I learned a boat-load about myself.  Especially learned a lot about myself in my mid-twenties.
However, it is definitely not what I would call some of my best years.  There is too much heartache and chaos in those years.  There's too much looming back there.  To me, the coming 30s are a hopeful blessing!
Its heading in the right direction anyway.  I got 'officially' engaged on Friday to the "Gilbert Blythe" I should have been looking for all along.  I am so annoyingly excited about our new lives getting started!  My relationships outside of mine and Ryan's are good and strong.  I have learned who my real friends are.  My parents and I are finally healing over a lot of wounds that were created over a very difficult time.  I have a future that I feel I can be proud of.

So, to that I say, I'm so relieved to be leaving my 20s.  I will savor my last twenty-something year and say goodbye to them next April with great glee!

Family.

Recently, while looking over wedding stuff with Ryan we were discussing certain possibilities and scenarios.  I don't remember exactly what we were talking about but I answered at one point with, "Well, I don't think that will be a problem.  I'm pretty sure your family isn't psychotic about this kind of thing....well, my family isn't either.  Well, maybe both of ours can be a little psychotic.......but nothing too crazy!"  The truth is everyone's family is a little psychotic at times.  There are those certain people that-well, you know.  That's part of being a family! 
I think having a crazy family is one of the perks of growing up.  It'll keep ya on your toes and you'll be more prepared, seemingly enough, for the unpredictability of life. 

My family, in particularly, is going through a great deal right now.  I feel very tired.  I'm concerned for all of the people involved and its weighing on my a great deal.  I'm not there, though, so I can only imagine what it must feel for my family over there dealing more directly with this, daily. 
My grandparents are in a 'skilled nursing facility.'  They are hating every moment of it. Its one of those things that you don't want to see and want to let them go home and be happy, but we also want them to get better and be healthy.  Everyone is dealing with the circumstances in their own ways.  Everyone is tired.  Everyone wants to do what's best.  However, everyone is not always on the same page.  Family.
This Sunday was my grandfather's 94th Birthday and we planned a small gathering at the facility to celebrate.  During one particular moment this weekend, there was a frustrating discovery about some of the care-giving instructions at the facility and the room suddenly became a chaotic mess of venting said frustrations all over the party room that we were 'celebrating' in.  My grandmother's posture slumped and she began to look very tired, my grandfather started wandering around outside of the room and the rest of us just tried to think of something else to talk about and...failed.  Its not like what happened was on purpose or trying to make things crazy, its just part of what happens sometimes when you get family together during some hard times.  The crazy takes over for a few minutes and you just gotta work with it.  Its really easy to want to loose all patience with these kinds of situations and end up very angry with all that's piling on but there also has to be a time where you have to take a step back and remember that we won't have them forever, to appreciate them while we do, and to be a little more patient.
Later, my grandmother was in a great deal of pain but didn't want to go to her room and said she had already taken something earlier for it.  She was very uncomfortable.  My grandfather who is very protective and concerned for her took her hand and would softly speak to her.  He asked for others to get medicine or anything he could think of to help her.  He was always by her side.  Ryan later said that he must be the sweetest man alive with the way he talks and takes care of his wife.
Family.

Through thick and thin.