Why Some Things are Just No One's Business...

While I as at a dinner this weekend, I overheard a conversation that began with someone asking another woman how her daughters were after their weddings and how married life was working for them.  She then went on to ask if they knew that they were supposed to get busy on grandkids now, and when she expected any.  My reaction was, "Well, that was inappropriate."  I didn't say that out loud, but I should have. The woman being asked meekly said that she didn't know and tried very politely to move on with the conversation.
Someone, I don't know who, approached my father an hour after my wedding asking him about babies.  Also inappropriate.  I was mortified when I found that out!
I've been praying over how to react to this subject.

You know, some people don't want to have babies.  Some people want to have babies later.  Some people try to make 'honeymoon babies.'  (Those people are crazy but that's their business.)  Some people have unexpected babies.  And some people are still trying to figure everything out.

I know a lot of women that are infertile.  I know a few women that tried and then had a miscarriage but wanted hardly anyone to know about it.  I know a lot of people that waited a very long time before they even had a chance.

Does it ever occur to anyone that maybe pushing baby conversations on people and cracking jokes about being pregnant can be utterly inappropriate and can hurt some people's feelings? 

I was putting my wedding dress on for my portraits and talking about how I couldn't seem to lose wait and "OH! Uh oh, you're pregnant!" was the joke that didn't waste any time being dropped.  It wasn't funny.  Even if I was, it wouldn't be funny.  Never mind that I hadn't had any baby-making practice for three months before then.  We can't talk about that (that would be very ungodly-like), but we can joke about being pregnant.

I don't even know if I can have babies.  Its something that I want to do at some point, but its just no one's business but mine and my husband's.  If someone doesn't want to have kids, that's fine, too.  Can we not joke and push that on people?

All I am saying is we need to be a little more considerate before joking on Facebook or to each other about stuff like this.  What if that girl on Facebook had recently had a miscarriage or had even been diagnosed with infertility and you just put on her status that's about being hungry for peanut butter a joke about "maybe you're prego!"  "LOL"  Of course she may never say anything about it but she would hurt from that.  You don't know everyone's life all the time.

Also, I refuse to think that every family is subjected to what every one else thinks the natural routine is for couples.  And guess what?  You don't have to be married to have babies...as controversial as that can be for some people.  However, its as though some people get married and there are already questions about babies.  What the heck?!
Its as though we are expected to go by a preset schedule that is put on us by other people.  We pick how our families are made up ourselves-other people can't make that decision.  If that means that you pick a partner and your life is fulfilled with him or her and your work, then that's fine.  You don't have to have kids if you don't want them.  Don't be pressured into something you aren't ready for.  Vice versa, if you want kids really badly but your friends are telling you that its a bad idea and you would be making a mistake, it doesn't matter what they want.  Its your family and you can have what makes you happy. 

When we do decide to start a family, it will just be because of something we want and not a result of anyone else's ranting, joking, pushing, or begging.  We aren't going to answer any questions about it.  We aren't going to have a conversation about how old we are-we are both very well aware of our ages.  We aren't going to alert everyone when we do decide to move in that direction causing extra pressure, either.  Its just none of anyone's business.

My Life After the Vows.

I think I always thought that a healthy relationship and marriage were some kind of distant impossibility.  Like, the idea of actually settling down and starting a family were something I knew were going to happen, especially once I was engaged, but it always seemed like such a long way away.  A far away thing that I wasn't going to reach.

After 3 major relationships that failed in a very major way, I figured that all of that was really never going to happen.  It was always easy for me, after a time, of thinking of marriage with my partner or saying we were in it forever.  There was even a time where I said that I didn't need a slip of paper to define my relationship.  I suppose it used to be easy for me to commit myself to someone but it was never that easy for the other person. It was very much the opposite once it became a real thing.

I never had 'cold feet' before I got married.  I was only ever excited about it all.  Yes, the morning I got married I had a horrible stomach ache and some really awful gas from an upset stomach.  Its embarrassing to have your Matron of Honor's husband bring you Gas X while your getting your hair done.  Nerves can really reek havoc on your digestive system.  But I never freaked out before my wedding about any of it.
After I've been married, I've had a series of heart stopping moments when my mind realizes, "HOLY S**T! I'M MARRIED."  Its stunning, really.  I have to share my car insurance with a boy.  My name is different all of a sudden and my signature looks funny.  Its finally "OK" for us to talk about certain things or (gasp) sleep in the same room when we visit our parents.  Being a mom is in reach. Just little things.

I've never been so satisfied with my position in life, however.  I'm finally comfortable.  Its a little weird.  After nearly 30 years of being constantly insecure and unsure of where my life would end up, this is quite the change.  
It is just difficult for me to wrap my mind around the fact that this is really happening for me.  Its like a whole new book instead of just a chapter!  I feel as though I finally got one thing right and all put together like a puzzle piece that had been lost underneath the couch for a long time.
I don't worry as much.  We can argue and get on each other nerves, and I don't worry about him giving up on me.  I can do something gross, like accidentally putting cheese in my ear while gorging myself, and he's still going to be around.  No, I can't try to run him off-we still need to be nice to each other-but its sure comforting to know that anytime we do screw up that we are still going to be there for each other.  Its pretty awesome.  And still pretty unbelievable.

I can't help but think that we should feel this as Christians in our relationships with God, as well.  We take a lot of God's grace advantage of.  We get too comfortable and used to the idea so our relationship becomes a little one sided.  But, holy crap, God isn't going anywhere!  We can run off and do something really stupid but he's always there to hold us in the end.  Marriage is supposed to be a reflection of God's relationship with the Church (his people) and that is exactly what it should be.
Its all making sense now! 

The journey is never over but at least I am on the path I need to be and I can't wait to see what's ahead.

The Honeymoon Ends.

New Year's Eve we went to eat Sushi at our favorite sushi restaurant, came home and played Scrabble for a couple of hours, and then walked down to place about half a mile from us for a NYE party.  We lead a diverse life.
It was fun!  Its the first time we've really done something for New Year's Eve together before.  In the past, we've stayed home or been at my in-law's house which isn't bad but its not really the same, you know.  We met some people at the party and got invited to their table.  It was crowded, as expected, so service was slow but we had a great time!  We walked home just fine.

The last time I had a hangover I had a flight to catch that morning and it was a nightmare.  I threw up in my best friend's backseat after throwing up several times in our hotel room.  I slept through the flight so it wasn't too bad, but I then threw up in the car ride home from an empty stomach.  Needless to say, it was not pleasant.  For anyone.
New Year's Day wasn't that bad but it wasn't pleasant either.  Ryan said, "I need to go get chorizo.  I will not survive today without it."  So, he left to go get two of us the most unhealthy breakfasts imaginable while I stayed home, nursed a headache, and made mimosas.  I got Fuzzy's big nachos while Ryan got a couple of chorizo and egg tacos with rice and beans.  All good stuff!  It has magical hangover healing powers.

We set up a card table in the living room, and frantically ate our breakfasts while watching the Rose Parade.  I was

almost done with my wonderfully huge nachos when I laid back from the table to stretch my stomach.  I was starting to get full but my unhappy stomach was trying to figure out what the hell I was doing to it.  Ryan looked down and asked if I was ok.  I said, yeah, I just needed a break.

At this point, my husband looked at me in utter worry and confusion.  He stared at my face with such an intensity I grew increasingly concerned.  I asked what was wrong and he didn't answer.  Just stared.  "Holy crap!  What is wrong!?! You are freaking me out," I shrieked!  "What is growing out of your ear," he asked?  I said I didn't know.  Ryan looked at my ear with terror as he poked at it.  "There is something...white...sticking out of it!"
I yelled for him to get it out and he wouldn't touch it.  He began to laugh in a nervous way.  I slowly worked up the courage to touch my ear.  Carefully, and expecting the worst, I raised my index finger and felt something...soft?  "What is IT?!" Ryan stood up.  "I don't know," he said.  I reached in my ear with determination.  I scooped it up in my fingernail.  I looked at my hand.

Cheese.  Cheese!  There was a huge wad of cheese sticking out my ear.  In my animal-like consumption of my hangover breakfast, I had managed to put food all over my face and...into my ear.  After scrapping all the of it out of my ear (this took about four tries) I found some in my hair and a little bit of beef remnant on my lower cheek. After the initial gross-out period, my husband could finally look at me again.  It took about 30 minutes before he could look at me without asking me something about my ear, cheese, or without laughing.

Anyways, the honeymoon is over.  He has officially seen me in all of my worsts.  We are some super classy people.