A Tree Frog and a Duck.

The only time I have put make up on since Monday morning is to put show makeup on for, y'know, the show.  This is truth.  Ryan ended up staying home Monday because he wasn't feeling well and by Monday evening he was running a small fever.  By Tuesday morning, we were both feeling slightly like death and running fever of an average around 100 to 101 degrees.  Then, the coughing began.  I said, "bye," earlier as Ryan left for work and, literally, sounded like a cross between a tree frog and a duck.

I am currently typing this without the use of my face.

In last night's performance, I sounded like a man in certain points within the show but we all made it work.  It was fun even though it was definitely a challenge.  Its times like those that I get to rediscover what I love about my craft. 
Its a challenge all the time.  I love it because it is a challenge and that there is never a singular performance like any of the others.  I love how each character evolves through a rehearsal process.  I love how I can learn new things about myself through each character I play.  Last night I even discovered a couple of new things to use for my character which is cool!  No, Zorah is not going to sound like a frog.  Well, she might but its not on purpose!  Anyway, I am glad I got back in the game.  And I so happy that Ryan is being so great about being a 'theatre widow' during all of this.  He is so supportive and proud and I love him!

On Shampoo and Optimism...

Yesterday afternoon I was in Target.  I was doing some shopping for Ryan and I's Christmas Angel and some other gifts.  I was feeling very tired from the cloudy cold outside and was ready to go home, but then I remembered I needed a few other things. I couldn't decide if I needed new shampoo and conditioner or not!  I just couldn't figure out whether I needed to go ahead and get some or not.  I can't explain it-its one of the most stupid things I have been perplexed about.  Needless to say, I stood there, finally, in the middle of the shampoo aisle in Target trying to figure out if I needed this or not.
I stood there, complaining in my mind about this woman who was blocking the aisle where I wanted to be while she read an entire, riveting bottle of Suave hairspray.  I could hear a conversation on the next aisle over.  The bottle reading lady moved on and as I began to pull my massive cart up the aisle the conversation caught my ear.

A woman was talking to two other ladies about her cancer diagnosis and treatment.  She was laughing and vibrantly talking about her conversations with various doctors.  She told them about how her family was doing during all of this.  She optimistically talked about how they decided to begin her chemotherapy treatment.  "They said to bring as many people as I wanted!  They said, 'bring food and drinks and it doesn't matter how many people you bring-we'll find chairs!' So, that's awesome cuz I have a lot of people that want to be there.  Its going to be a long ordeal and a tiring day."  

It was strange.  I was supposed to be figuring out my shampoo conundrum and I was sucked into eavesdropping on these ladies' conversations.  Upon realizing what they were talking about, I knew that I was supposed to feel...sad, upset, or sorry.  I wasn't, though.  The woman speaking was happy.  She was vivacious and optimistic!  I didn't feel sorry for her at all.  I felt...inspired.
I decided on a stupid shampoo and conditioner and dropped them into the cart.  Then, I heard one of the ladies ask a question but couldn't make out what she said.  The woman answered.
 She told her how she explained to her son what was happening.  She talked about how she wasn't sure he understood but he was trying to fight with her.  She then laughed and said, "He is not going to be happy about my hair."  She was planning on cutting it all off this weekend.  The nurses had explained to her how fast some of the side effects of chemo can kick in.  She said she was nervous about her hair but it was ok and that she just hoped she didn't scare her son when she was bald!  She went on to talk about some of the scarves and such she was planning to wear for Christmas and the cold weather.  She spoke as though she was excited-in a weird way-about her coming fashion statement. 

I decided that I had eavesdropped enough.  I was beginning to block the aisle like the hairspray reader was, earlier.  I pulled my shopping cart into the main aisle and began to walk away but not before looking back at my new inspiration. 
She was bundled up in a big winter coat and wasn't too much taller than I was, I don't believe.  She had long dirty blonde hair going down past her shoulders.  She had a pleasant and cordial smile.  Her eyes looked tired.  I knew she had to be scared but I knew that she probably wasn't planning on telling people that. 

Its a very humbling feeling.

The Life Controversy

I am not what I would consider an overly-opinionated person.  I am not someone that thrives on controversy and debating.  I like to avoid confrontation, if possible.  Its not that I don't have an opinion or that I don't want to step on toes or whatever, its only that I like to keep my feelings to myself unless I feel led or bothered enough to speak up.  This is for no reason than that of my own personal preference.  I would much rather debate symbolism and meaning that I find in books or theatre than the goings on in politics or the news.  There are only a few major subjects that I feel very strongly about.

In the last year or two, we have been to a lot of baby's birthday parties.  Our friends are reproducing and very quickly!  We have also had several people the last few weeks announce that they are having babies, too, and we are super excited for all of them.  Some aren't necessarily planned but they are super excited.  Some are the result of a very frustrating time of trying and trying and trying with, sometimes, moments of devastation and are elated at the opportunity to finally be parents.  I have to be perfectly honest here and say that I am a little jealous but its not my season, yet, but time will tell.  I am eagerly awaiting when my season arrives!  We are super excited to be a part of our friends' and families' journeys and be a part of these tiny people's lives! 
Over this time, to extend on the above thought, we have learned a lot about life and the, um, ...creation...of it.  I don't want to get gross on this.  Anyways, we have witnessed the struggles encountered with it and the disheartening sadness of miscarriage.  We have witnessed the pure excitement that comes when they find out that there's a little person in there and its finally happening.  We have seen the uncertainty that comes with preparing for a little one to arrive and the stress after they are here.  We have also seen the overwhelming love that occurs when they are here and as they grow to be tiny crazy people that have taken over your house. 

In my perspective, I suppose its all relative for most people to decide what is alive or real or not.  I suppose it depends on whether it is wanted or planned with whether or not there is an actual child growing in there or not.  I suppose it just doesn't matter to a lot people whether or not it is a baby because they would rather just erase their mistake because it doesn't fit into their plans. 
I understand that women don't want the government telling them what they can and cannot do.  I think that that goes without saying that the government SHOULDN'T be in control of our own choices-male or female.  However, the fact that there are women that take advantage of the sanctity of life and apparently do not hold themselves responsible for their indiscretions makes me angry.  It makes me physically angry to think about it.
If a woman finds out she is pregnant and doesn't know what to do...in 20 weeks...I'm sorry, that's ridiculous.  In 20 weeks, you have a pretty freakin' prominent 'baby bump.'  You're halfway through the pregnancy!  You have had plenty of time to figure out what you damn-well want to do-you are just selfish and lazy.  At 20 weeks, the child you have created is about the length of a banana, is moving its arms and legs around, has almost fully developed eyebrows and eye lids, has taste buds, has nerves that can feel, is reacting to everything you eat and drink, he or she has sex organs.  You are going to say that you can't decide what you want to do by that time and the government can't tell you that you can't have an abortion?  Are you kidding me?  I don't understand why this is a debate. 
Allow me to clarify a bit.  I understand that certain circumstances cannot be helped.  My opinion is that an abortion should not be performed as a form of birth control.  It should not be something you turn to just because you can and its not good for you at the time.  I understand bad timing-believe me!  Have you read my previous posts?  I am not saying that the government should take over cuz there are a bunch of crazy baby killers out there-I'm not insane.  What I fear, though, is that there may not be enough of these women who have thoroughly considered other options. 
Lets leave emotion out of it.  I don't think that abortions can be that terribly healthy, either.  Most especially after a certain amount of time into the pregnancy.  You are removing something that is, essentially, a part of your body by forcing it out through different means.  No, the other options are not the easiest but none of them are really that easy. 

This is simply how I feel about this topic: I hate it.  I hate that some of the people I love have waited for so long for something so precious and special while other people just get it while not asking for it.  I hate that some people feel like its their only option just because that's a really shitty place to be and I am sorry for those people. 
On the flip side of this, I feel so honored to know people that are faced with infertility and are some of the best adoptive and foster parents out there!  Its a great thing you do and you bless those babies lives just as much as they are blessing yours. 

That's about all I have to say about this.

Accident Prone.

Lefty is the dumbest smart dog I know!  He is really smart and catches onto things really quickly, but pretends to be dumb.  Then there are moments when he just gets ahead of himself and doesn't pay attention; i.e. you tell him there's a squirrel, he gets excited and when you point the direction it is he runs the opposite direction.  Dumbest smart dog I know!  Lefty is definitely a people sort of dog.  He definitely prefers the company of his people over other dogs at the dog park and things like that, as well.  You know, he also pays a lot of attention to how you're feeling.  He knows if you're not feeling well or if you're upset or really excited.  He's pretty awesome to have around.  However, with the job of upkeeping the title of "Dumbest Smartdog," he tends to be a little accident prone.

When he was a puppy, he would get so excited when we first got up in the morning, he would sometimes get ahead of himself going downstairs.  It resulted in him falling halfway down the stairs and hitting his head at the bottom.  He would pop back up like nothing happened and keep running!  There were also times when we would play and he would turn too fast...straight into a wall.  He still does that sometimes.
The following is a little story about our latest adventures.

A couple of weekends ago, for Ryan and I's anniversary weekend, we decided to take our fur-child to the dog park before the sun went down.  He was so hyper and we had been out all day, so he needed to run out some energy.  It was really cool out and the temperature was dropping really quickly as the sun went down.  Every dog that came into the park would enter at the same level: Psycho Hyper!  They would come in "psycho hyper" and then run it down a few notches as all the dogs would gang up and run around with the "psycho hyper" newbie...until the next one arrived.  It was crazy!  Ryan and I were enjoying the evening but were having trouble getting Lefty to keep hanging out with his fur-friends.  He kept coming back and sitting with us and then whining cuz he wasn't running with the other kids!  Insert a huge eye-roll here.  We finally decided he was only going to play more if we stood in the chaos of other fur-parents and their fur-children, so we did.  There was only a group of four of us standing in the middle with a few dogs but they were having a blast running and jumping on top of one another and doing the general "psycho hyper" dog stuff.  Then, we noticed Lefty slowing down and then hiding behind us a little.  There was a dark patch on his side and I thought it was a clump of mud.  Ryan tried dusting it off of him but it wouldn't move.  Nope.  It was a hole about an inch to an inch and half in his side!  Whelp, there goes an easy going evening!  We called the vet as soon as we got in the car and headed to the house.  Ryan talked to the vet and we headed over after we tried to give Lefty his anxiety pill.  Yes!  He has anxiety meds for when we go to the vet, now.  Fun!  He spit out the cheese but we thought he took his pill anyway.  We get there and the vet takes a look at him and gave him five staples.  He did great!  She even punched those suckers in right in the reception area!  We get home around 9pm and we still haven't had our dinner so we commence our "low key evening" where we left off, grill steak, and have a few drinks on the patio...with our stapled dog.  Oh yes, and it turned out that we found his anxiety meds under a dining room chair-he had spit the stupid thing out!

Three days later, I am still tending to his rough housing wound when I start to notice a lot of gunk coming out of his right eye.  Its not completely uncommon but it was noticeable, nonetheless.  I don't worry about it, I just clean it up and move on with my day.  Ryan was out of town for work for most of the week, at the time.  I start to notice that later into the day there is more of this stuff and its just coming right back.  Holy crap...it looks like conjunctivitis.  What's conjunctivitis?  Its pink eye...its freaking pink eye! First thing in the morning, I am calling the vet's office saying what's going on and what it looks like and they put us in a slot for the late morning.  Poor guy is scratching his face while he's trying to walk and blinking a lot.  He was, like, the poster child for abused dogs while he sat pouting in the exam room!  He actually took his pill this time, so he was anxious but not freaking out...and loopy.  After some testing, conjunctivitis was confirmed and he was given eye ball meds for the next five days.  We had a new vet and when she looked at his chart she exclaimed, "Oh, wow!  Lefty, you have been here a lot lately!  Are you accident prone?"  By the time she said this he was walking around with a numbed right eye and looked like a drunk frat boy pacing the room.  She took a look at his staples and said they were doing great, too!

Upon leaving, we said goodbye to the awesome staff and I said, "See you next Friday!"

The Beginning.

This day two years ago I was in desperate need to get out of the house.  I was living with my parents at the time in the middle of nowhere to save up some money.  I was also working nights for a family tending to their 92 year old mom.  I really needed out of the house, so I left to go shopping (and when I say shopping I mean mostly wandering around) in Bryan and College Station.  I went to the mall for a while, ate lunch, went to Target...blah blah...all the while casually keeping a small conversation with some guy via text that I had connected with on eHarmony.  At some point in our conversation it came up that I was in town and then there was a long "silence."  "Silence" because it was a text message-get it?!  Anyways, I was getting ready leave town because I needed to be back for work that evening, but this guy starts texting me again wanting me to meet with him for dinner...or ice cream.  Seriously, that's what he said.  I told him that I had to get back because I needed to get to work and he said that it was ok, we could meet for early dinner!  Keep in mind, I am in 'errand clothes,' my hair is mess cuz it was super windy that day, and I was in no kind of first date condition. It was almost 3:30pm so I didn't want to agree to a freaking dinner, but I finally said fine and instead of going home, I parked at a Kroger and waited for a little while.  It seemed like forever but it was only 15 minutes and I decided to change my mind and told him so.  He writes back that he wants to meet at a place called Ozona and he can leave in 15 mins from work.  Fine!

So, I head to this supposed restaurant.  I had no idea where this place was.  I passed it, turned around and parked.  I texted him that I was sitting at the bar waiting. It was so windy that day. It was warm but the wind was cold and blowing hard!  He said something about how he hoped I was sitting at the bar inside cuz he didn't want to blow away.  I laughed.  So, I grab a beer and I begin to get nervous.  Really freaking nervous!  I start worrying about whether he actually looks like his pictures.  Afterall, his pictures on his profile thingy consisted of far away group shots-it was a legitimate concern.  I worried if he is a weirdo.  It was more of a nervous excitement but, yes, I was worried.  A few minutes later this tense, dark haired man walks very quickly and sharply beside me, doesn't make eye contact and says, "Hey.  You wanna sit at a table?"  At this point he turns quickly and walks to toward a booth and I abruptly jump down from my stool and follow, Bud Light in tow.  Ryan still has not made eye contact.  We sit down and he orders a beer.  Silence.  There finally starts a small, casual conversation.  I notice that he is fidgety and will only glance for small periods of time at my face-he mostly looks around the restaurant and at the table.  We order food.  I ordered a spinach quesadilla to which he questions me about my mostly vegetarian diet.  Looking back, I think he was trying to feel me out for hippy-ness.  I am still amazed at how awkward this is going.  Up to this point, I had always been on dates with people-people.  Y'know, very social people and people that never seem to meet strangers.  This guy is almost obnoxiously shy.  After a couple of beers, he loosens up ever-so-slightly but its still pretty forced.  I mean the conversation was fine just forced and awkward.  I can't help but notice, also, that ever since we sat down its almost as thought he can't make up his mind whether to sit back or lean on the table.  This is going great. (eye roll) I am starting to check my phone more and more often for two reasons.  One, I need to be at work on time and still have an hour drive back.  Two, I am ready to get this date over with.  We finish our meals and finish our beers and start to wind things up and I am thinking, finally.

This next part is facing some skepticism that has not been brought up until very recently, but please be assured that this is absolutely what happened.  So, pay attention.
We walk out to my car which wasn't parked too far from the entrance.  I had just bought her and it still had the paper tags on so we talked about the car for a second.  Then, there was an awkward silence.....AGAIN.  Then, I thanked him for dinner and he kind of hugged me.  I say "kind of" because it was a weird hug.  It was like a none-touching side huge, if that's possible.  It was as though he couldn't make up his mind to hug me or not and so then that was the result, you see?  We started talking about my car again and there was a pause in the conversation.  As I have mentioned before, it was scary windy that afternoon and the wind was cold.  I opened my door and started the engine to get the heat going before I left.  I sat halfway in the seat to reach the ignition and when I turned around no one was there.  He left!  He left me in the parking lot without saying goodbye or nice to meet you or anything!  He must have ran because there was no trace of him.  Any normal person would be seen still walking to their vehicle or even getting in their vehicle but there was NO ONE!  I stood there amazed.  I was not going on another date with this crazy dude ever again.  It was probably the most awkward date I have ever been on...ever!  Who leaves someone in the parking lot when it was their idea to meet you in the first place?!  I get back in my car and leave.  As I am getting in my seat, I catch a truck leaving out of the corner of my eye and I, jokingly, think to myself that that's probably him running away.  Poor kid.  I scared him to death! 

I ended up telling my friend, Jenny, about the date and how awful it was.  We laugh about it but she tells me I need to go out again with him.  I was thinking she was kidding but she was not.  Augh!  She said that maybe things were just stressful first date things and that we should try again.  I said I would try but only one more date...cuz he was weird and I didn't think I could survive being abandoned in another parking lot.  (ha!) 

Our second date was my idea.  So, obviously, I thought it would be much better.  I was wrong.  I had to go to Madisonville to get my car fixed.  Yes, the same car!  I had a possessed radio that needed to be replaced.  I decided to meet at a  Mexican food restaurant in downtown because he didn't know anything about Madisonville and it would be easy to find.  There is also another one just like it in another nearby town and I thought the food was good. He meets me after work at a table there.  I immediately regret my restaurant choice.  Apparently it was karaoke night at said venue and it was booked up by one old Mexican with a huge beer gut singing Selena songs.  Yes, Selena.  I couldn't hear anything Ryan was saying due to the sheer volume of "Selena" and when I could I would catch him watching the tv over my head that just happened to be on his favorite tv show.  The food was horrible and the male Selena singer was drinking more margaritas and still singing.  We left as soon as our meal was done!  He walks me out to my car where we share a more genuine hug with a hangover of awkwardness where I apologize, profusely, for my date choice.  It made for excellent conversations later and we have been dating ever since.  Our third date was absolutely my favorite.  I think that since the first two dates were so bad, we figured we had gotten all of that out of the way.  We talked over dinner at Koppe Bridge like we had known each other for a long time instead of only a few weeks.

Its funny how things end up.

Our first picture together that December.

Love is a Verb.

Well, well, well...we made it.  Well, almost.

This Friday will be the anniversary of the day that Ryan and I first met.  It was definitely not a first date of dreams! Little did he know what he might have been signing up for!  For a person that has a 'no-weirdo' policy and thought he would never have a dog in the house, he has definitely come a long way!  Ryan has made the cut and officially became mine and Lefty's person.

If you you've read my previous post, you probably know that things for us at the moment aren't necessarily perfect but we are both very happy, nonetheless.  We are still growing-still adjusting.  I think it will be a bad time if that ends, though.
Relationships aren't always perfect and that's just part of it.  There are fights and misunderstandings and frustrations.  There are times when you can't get enough of each other and times where you cannot wait to get time to yourself.  How ignorant we all are in our teenage years!  We think that if we don't have the warm-fuzzys and aren't smiling all the time then we aren't in-love.  Love isn't supposed to be a battlefield either.  Whoever came up with that is an idiot!  Its not supposed to be super easy or super stressful.  Its supposed to be somewhere in the middle, I think. Its supposed to be a work in process.  Because people change and so love changes, too.  I think its important for people to understand that love is definitely a verb.  "...to love someone is an active experience." (Sheryl Paul)

That is all that I have for you today....
Tune in Friday for something special!

On Life Detours and the Rough Patches...

As I have gotten older, I have learned a thing or two about rough patches and when your life changes direction unexpectedly.  I have been through a lot for my age but it could have been much more worse, I'm sure.  This time a year ago I was under the impression that things were finally starting to shape up and I was surprised again!  Only this time there isn't so much drama involved in this Life Detour but just as much stress.  I have taken some time to reflect on my past Detours and how they effect me now.  Understandably, I cannot allow myself to focus on every single one of the negative transactions in my life or I risk roaming the pathetic road, so I have just been reflecting on my major Detours.  These being the events that have had some kind of major effect on my life that changed me-positive or negative. What's strange (or sad, however you want to look at it) is that most of my major rough patches and detours have to do with my relationship choices.

I have had a lot of different romantic relationships.  I'm sure from an outside prospective they look like an eclectic collection of dwarfs or something.  There was the shy one, my mom's favorite, and then the possessive.  There was the pathological-lying musician, the alcoholic, the obsessive tech guy, and the over-reactor.  It goes from there but its taking too much time for me to think of short, cute descriptions of them for me to list them like that.
Approximately, my Junior year of college I had my heart truly broken for the first time.  It was during this time that I realized that the past two "big" break-ups didn't hold a damn thing to what I was now experiencing.  I had planned an entire life with this person and he clicked cancel on us and moved on.  Just like that. I was stuck with a wedding gown, a wedding party, and a fruit platter in my hotel room while we tried to make sense of it all.  It takes a very special kind of person to do what he did to me.  It wasn't just my heart that was left broken but my entire life.  I didn't have a place to live, a lot of people were no longer talking to me, and what was I supposed to do with our Marriage Certificate?!  It was a mess...and mess is NOT the correct word.  After receiving multiple phone calls over a time saying that he needed time and that he would be back-to wait for him-the blinders finally lifted and I realized that he had already been in another relationship.  He left with her after he deleted our relationship status.  I was still left to sort out my life.  I was fine with the dissolution of him and I, however, I had a plan and now it was gone.  What was I supposed to do now?  My life had detoured. After I found myself a rat filled "apartment" I went back to school and started working, but nothing was the same.  I became a lost person.  Not because of what happened but because I needed to figure out what I needed to do.  I was partying a lot and making a lot of very crazy decisions.  I withdrew/flunked out of my classes for that semester.  There was finally a moment, I don't remember when, that I thought that this was no way to live and that I needed to finish school and quite fooling around.  I was a survivor and this was done with! I could have been stuck in a much worse position.  There were SO many things in that partnership that should have clued me in that it was wrong for me-ie, the controlling behavior, the drama immediately involved when we were together, the fact that I wasn't really that excited planning our wedding.  Looking back now, what I can take away from this ordeal is, "Holy crap! Thank God that happened!" My life outlook, my perception of people, and my relationship with my family all changed in just a matter of days.

When I turned 22, I had just began dating a new man.  I considered it my first real, grownup relationship.  It was fun in the beginning and he was one of those guys that would buy me a lot of stuff just because, but it always made me feel weird.  He took me out a lot and talked about me to his friends.  I liked him and he was pretty easy to fall for.  We moved in together in 6 months and I was finishing college and taking care of our house.  Soon after I graduated, however, things began to go sour...very slowly.  I had a lot of trouble finding a decent job in my town and went from job to job.  The recession hit.  It was a hard time for both of us-we were both going through a lot of transitions.  But instead of coming closer together through hardships it became a totally different relationship all-together.  What started out as a night out with friends became long nights with lots of yelling.  Later, things were sometimes broken by him after a night of drinking in some random fit of anger. We had ups and down throughout our 4 year relationship but things had just started to get a better.  Then, things made a detour.  He ended up going to prison for things quite unexpected. I won't go into it any further because there is a chance he has changed and he is trying to get his life back together, and I won't be a part of ruining that.  However, after nearly a year of letter writing, miscommunications, a relocation for a new job, and a lot of soul searching I decided that it was time for me to move on.  It couldn't be decided by anyone else.  I didn't break up with him because of his sentencing or anything regarding that.  We were no good for each other!  He had his own things to work out and I needed to be happy again.
One thing, though, is that after I moved and, later, lost my job due to a lay off, I became a darling puppy's mom.  Without those sadly cheerful eyes begging me to get up out of bed each day and depending so much on me I would not have been brave enough to seriously consider changing the direction I was going.  It was actually a very hard decision for me to make but I felt that it was the right one as soon as I let that part of my life go.  I have taken an endless amount from that time in my life.  I learned a lot about loyalty and trust.  I also learned a lot about myself and how much I can handle. I learned what true loneliness was. I learned that I can break but I can put myself back together, too.  Mostly, I know now that I met this person for a very important reason and I am glad it happened.  It made me reevaluate what is important and I learned a lot about what I want out of life and who I want (or don't want) in it.

I met Ryan on eHarmony.  Yep.  There is a whole story there, but that will be at a later date. (Its a great and hilarious story, so be sure to tune in!) I am so blessed that I was brave enough to create an eHarmony profile on a whim around two and half years ago and to now have him in my life.  He is so good to me.  He is patient, kind, attentive, goofy, laid back, and strong.  He is the person that I should have been looking for the whole time but didn't know I needed.
Barely over a year ago, I moved to College Station to be with Ryan and to seek out better job opportunities. Within a short period I was on dozens of interviews and landed a great job with an office I never thought I would work for, but was so excited and eager for the opportunity to work there. Nine months later, the job started to wear on me and the lack of things began to turn me off to the firm and I slowly began to peruse for other employment just to see if anything was out there.  I didn't do it quite fast enough, I suppose, because they fired me.
Since then I have been working to find a new job.  I have been struggling with my anxiety over last few months.  Too many thoughts have been going through my head everyday that are overtaking my mind.  I have worried about how to pay my bills, and my student loans.  I have worried that one day Ryan will turn into someone from my past and our relationship will change due to these hardships.  I have been anxious, also, because I don't want anyone to have to help me out.  I want to be able to take care of things myself, and it has been very difficult to accept help.  However, Ryan has been a smorgasbord of patience, understanding, and support.
This life detour is setting us back a bit, but the great thing is I have the tools to handle this from what I have already been through-I just have to remember that instead of freaking out.  Things are not perfect and completely wonderful for the time being but I am still happy. We have our each other, we have our families, we have our God, and we'll get through this...until the next one!
From the experiences above, I learned something that is a very difficult thing for most people to understand.  There comes a time where I think we must be thankful for the Rough Patches and Detours in our lives.  We have to say, "Wow, thank God I came out of that," and most importantly, "Thank God that this happened."  It sounds a little nuts but I believe that when we get to that point then we are much stronger people.  We can say that this happened and know that we are changed and we can move on from it! Its not supposed to be simple to move forward, either, but its supposed to make us into the people that God wants us to be.  We know what to expect now from our Rough Patch and can live so that it doesn't happen again or are just better equipped.  Life is full of Rough Patches and Detours but I think that's what makes it a journey instead of just a destination.  Everything would be really boring if it we were meant to get to just one destination.

"Life is pure adventure, and the sooner we realize that, the sooner we will be able to treat life as art."
-Maya Angelou

Introducing...

Hello there!

I have decided to start up this here blog.  Been thinkin' about it for awhile and just went ahead and friggin did it! 
Could I sound anymore country? 
Yes.
Anyways, I plan on using this to post things that are on my mind as well as updates on the events and goings on in our little lives.  Feel free to share it you want, or not read it at all, or read it and tell me how much you hate it.  Its all great!  Its what this country is all about, after all! 

So, I would like to start things off with a thought on today.  Today is the 12th memorial of the 9-11 Terrorist Attacks.  When it happened that morning, I was a Junior in High School sitting in my English class when I heard the news that a plan hit some tower in NYC, and then my next class was in the library.  I sat down in the front of the TV there just moments after the second plane had hit the South Tower.  The rest of the day was passively normal.  The remainder of my classes tried to stay as regular and routine as possible which really backfired because none of us remained calm.  There was a mix of rumors, fear, and anxiety filling the spaces of the classrooms and hallways.  No one learned anything, of that I am sure.
So many things transformed on that day 12 years ago-people, lives, perspectives, countries and governments, mindsets, and possibly more.  It was a great thing that so many people came together that day and for the days after no matter their religions and backgrounds.  We were all united by the same fears and needed the same healing and comfort.  There were Synagogues, Churches,...Mosques all open to whomever needed that time.
What baffles me today is how separated we all seem to be now.

I think that some Christians get a bad rep because of a few bad eggs.  I mean the racist violent ones, the ones that spew hate from a pulpit because they think they're above sin themselves, or the ones that jump on boycotting and protest bandwagons.  The truth is that not all Christians are like that.  I am not like that!  I believe that, above all, Christ taught us to love one another no matter what.  I also think that the Muslim people have had a similar problem most especially since the attacks 12 years ago.  Islam is a religion that teaches peace and because of some bad eggs people are freaking out all over the place.  The fact is that the USofA was founded because of a group of people trying to escape religion persecution.  It was created with the idea that people could worship how, where, and whoever they wanted without being judged.  Why are we freaking out about someone reading out of the Qur'an at his high school graduation?  Because its not Christian?  Well, that makes sense...(insert eye roll)  I realize that this is on the edge of one of those 'can't we all just get along' posts but this is just getting to me.  It is important for us to accept differences and educate ourselves so we can understand and respect each other fully.  That's my opinion.  Let go of all the stereotypes, for cryin out loud!

Can we take a step back for a second?  Would it be so horrible if we learned what it was that makes us diverse and make an honest effort open ourselves up to those differences?  I am not saying we have to convert to different religions or anything drastic.  Just love and respect one another...as we are. 
And another thing: if this is not reciprocated to you by someone else, then so what!  Be the better person.  You'll be rewarded for it later.