I would like to bring up something I've been thinking about for the last month. First of all, in the past I would see the engagement announcements in the papers or on Facebook and they are all smiley and carefree. "Its a breeze," I would think. I have planned a wedding before, after all, but that one was so disorganized and I had hardly any help. The then person wasn't right, either. So, of course that one was a mess of stress and panic attacks!
Augh.
This wedding is beginning as a lesson in stress management. I have to say that we've gotten a lot done in the last two months and a lot of the major hurtles have been, y'know...hurtled. However, as the day gets closer and closer I feel like my stress is gearing more and more towards the people in my life. This wedding planning thing is driving me crazy!
I genuinely think that this is meant to test the relationship before we tie the knot. Seriously. I feel like I could strangle Ryan. He's always been a bad decision maker. He's always been easily distracted. This is going to kill me before the wedding.
I think we are all fed this ideal of engagements and weddings. Everything is supposed to be only in a certain order and be a certain way. Its not incredibly simple. We are taught to get caught up in what the ring looks like and then we have a whirlwind of people swirling around us showing us pictures of everyone else's weddings for ideas. You have people showing you articles in magazines or some kind of awful floral decoration that you politely acknowledge. Then you're trying to put all the ideas to work that you've been planning for probably a year...secretly. Everything is all over the place and you're visiting places and people and getting the amounts you owe people confused. You come home from work and just want a rest from wedding emails and conversations, so you and your fiance leave some of the planning alone for a while. Then you realize that you've put it off for nearly a month and are behind on so many things! So you play catch up and get some things nailed down. Then when it comes to the "easy" stuff, like picking who you want in your wedding party as well as some of the little details and suddenly you and your fiance are having a series of little meltdowns. You feel like you want to punch your partner in the face for not making a phone call. You want to yell someone you haven't even met for not returning an email. You feel like breaking something when you forget that one detail that you decided to put off cuz it was too early to do it at the time. You have so many stupid decisions to make you start to reconsider the whole ordeal. You even start to reconsider your own freakin relationship when Oh-my-god-he-still-hasn't-made-that-damn-phone-call!
There is a myth of weddings so that we build them up to this pinnacle of an event for our lives. For some people, its the only big even of their lives. Its this huge thing that has to be perfect and unique and classy. Weddings are really all fluff, anyway. No really! None of this stuff matters. 50 years from now no one is going to care about what my bouquet looked like or my fancy dress. No one is going to remember how good or bad the food is. What matters is a family coming together. The marriage and the health of Ryan and I's relationship is what matters. Sure we want to throw a good party to celebrate these super cooky people becoming one but its not the end of the world if we don't carry a certain kind of wine at the reception or we have one table cloth that doesn't quite match.
Its all about perspective.
What I'm finding is that I need to relax a little more about this stuff. What I need, however, is people to be aware of this so they can help prevent me from relapsing into Chaos mode. I like my fiance and I really don't want to stab him with a butter knife.
No comments:
Post a Comment