White Flags.

An interesting thing about trying to sort your life together: it doesn't seem to want to be sorted.
Between learning about my soon-to-be family, trying to be there for my own family, figuring out my new life, and planning this wedding, and trying to learn a new job things have been all over the place.  I, at least, have felt a sense of importance and security because even with things being chaotic at time, I can recognize the blessing that it is.  Things keep changing and challenging me.

First of all, I'm trying to get all of the invitations in order including the addressees.  I didn't know what a challenge that would be.  Not even in the sense of just finding addresses and all that.  It was a disheartening experience.  I have had people simply ignore my request for their address.  It makes you feel completely unimportant.  It made me feel awful.  Its disappointing.
I have never been one of those people that has a ton of friends.  I'm awful at keeping friends.  I'm socially awkward and generally uncool.  I feel weird if I don't talk to someone for a long time and then call them.  I also wish people would call me instead of me always seeking them out and then it doesn't happen and I feel our friendship drift apart.  For my closest friends, I am still not a person people think of in situations all the time.  I've never been any one's bridesmaid or probably won't be asked to be any one's godparent or anything like that.  Its just how things are.  Now, that doesn't mean that I don't care about these people-I love them all the same.  However, a lot of the time I feel like I just care about them a whole lot more.  See?  Socially awkward.  I tend to read way into things a whole lot more than what I need to, as well.
Anyways, I wasn't prepared for the rejection of it.  It was weird.  I finally had to decide on not being hurt by it anymore and that I should raise a white flag and move on.

Secondly, I lost my job on Friday.  Yep.  I have a wedding in 4 months and got laid off.  I had my rep call me at 6:45 on Friday evening as I was leaving the gas station to inform me that she had bad news.  That I was terminated from my assignment and she wasn't given any specific reason.  Awesome.
I am really, really freakin tired of looking for work all the time.  Its exhausting.  Beyond that, this just makes me feel incredibly stupid.  I feel like an unimportant failure. 
This morning I woke up to my alarm and pressed the "Off" button.  At that moment, I decided that I would take this as an opportunity to enjoy my time at home and work on what I need to with the wedding with our families.  I raised a white flag and decided to let it go-for now at least-push on through. 
I need to be reminded that there is always a plan and I should wait for that to come about.

Thirdly, I had my first wedding nightmare last night.  It wasn't anything mind-blowing or anything.  I basically showed up to the wedding venue and nothing was set up and I freaked out.  The end.  Still, I'm sure its only the beginning.   haha!

There is nothing miraculously profound in today's post, but I thought I'd update everyone on the adventure!