I sincerely look forward to the adventure that lies ahead.
We have been blessed this year in very simple ways. We have not been generously given all that we had hoped but we are thankful, nonetheless. We have been healthy, for the most part. I have been busy. I have met some very wonderful people and we have good friends. I have inherited an entire family and so has Ryan. We have not gone hungry. We have been able to travel. We have been able to give to those that need help.
In many respects, this Holiday season has been met with an air of hesitance. I, for one, wasn't sure if I was ready or not for the Holiday season. I didn't know for sure if I was ready to face the cheeriness of the season that was expected or ready for the impeding spending that comes with gift giving. I finally caved in and decided that, ready or not, it was definitely coming.
We had a very nice Christmas. We spent time with my parents the weekend before Christmas and we really enjoyed our time there. Then we came back and spent a quiet Christmas Eve and Day at home. It was our first as an official family and with all of the bustle of the whole year, we wanted to spend it at home by ourselves. It was perfect. We went to church Christmas Eve. We exchanged our little gifts with each other. Each year during this time, I am reminded of how much Ryan loves me in the greatest way possible. We only did as much as we wanted for our own private little holiday. We left Friday morning to spend time with Ryan's family. It was very nice. It was chaotic where expected and lovely where expected. But there was still an empty place.
There was one less person opening gifts and one less person sharing dinner with the family. We missed Lisa in the quiet moments.
Before gifts were exchanged and after. We missed her while picking teams for a game of dominoes. She was missed after all the guests left and we were in the quiet.
There was a moment when I thought I could take (better) family photos this year when I remembered last year's. They weren't very good and I was so disappointed in how they came out. The living room plus the lit tree just wasn't the most giving light for decent portraits and I didn't like how they came out. However, those will forever be the last photos I took of Lisa and the rest of the family. And for my husband, it will always be the last picture I took of him and his sister. The thought sobered me. It just didn't seem ok. I didn't end up taking any because the weather was just so gross out and I didn't want to deal with the living room lighting again. Mostly, I simply didn't feel up to the task. It felt too heavy.
Perhaps for the next family holiday I'll be more prepared to take on the task. Until then...
The events of the past year have left so much open to the next that I genuinely look forward to all 2015 brings....all of it.
So, goodbye, 2014.
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